It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
