Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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