maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
