That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
