Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
