I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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