are you still at the devil's house?
I think I died a long time ago.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
