i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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