Can Purell be used as lube?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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