Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
