i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is Oprah even human
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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