Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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