I cannot find my penis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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