Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
