I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize