Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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