I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
