oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize