Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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