when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
