She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
