Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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