just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
