How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
