That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
