I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
