I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
