Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize