He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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