I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
