Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
