i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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