I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk is not a location!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
