The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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