i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
