whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
