At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we're making bets on your personal life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
