I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
