Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize