forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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