Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
