Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
