I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
