I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
