This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Couch. On fire.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
