i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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