i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
