Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
