In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
