its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
