I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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