hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
