I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
