Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
