i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
