I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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