wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
