She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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