You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
