ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
