you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
