I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
