Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
