Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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