apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
