Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
