haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
