WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
