She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't turn off my feet"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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