I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
