laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
